The other afternoon, I found myself overwhelmed.
My day had been full - a packed schedule of professional work, creative output, and an ever-growing to-do list. My energy was spent, my vulnerability heightened, and the familiar swirl of anxiety began to take hold in my chest.
Instead of pushing through, as I might have in the past, I made a different choice. I lay down on the couch for a meditation, hoping to reset.
Ten minutes passed, but the swirling remained, a tight ball in my chest. Then I shifted to a meditation on self-worth, which is a topic I’ve worked on for years and continue to reshape in my belief system.
Within seconds, the tears came. Not quiet, controlled tears but a full, heaving sob that broke free from the very spot in my chest where the overwhelm had been building.
Crying is my most authentic release of energy. It’s raw and cleansing. I’ve learned that clarity is often waiting just on the other side of those tears.
In that moment, the clarity came: I wasn’t overwhelmed just because I’d had a full day. I was overwhelmed because I was trying (once again) to be enough for everyone else.
I was writing, creating, and building in ways I thought would be valuable to others, chasing their attention instead of spending my time on what I know in my soul is good enough.
I’m trying to be what everyone else wants, without actually knowing what other people want.
But when I closed my eyes, I saw the smiling faces of my two sons. My truest value exists with them. They inherently value me and my husband more than anyone else on this planet and frankly need me more than anyone else.
Why am I wasting my time worrying about what other people need and think of me? When in all reality, I’m insanely valuable to the people I love most - my boys, my husband, my family, my close friends. And I value them - and my personal wellbeing - most.
My time is not valuable to 99.9999% of people in the world.
But my time and presence is the most valuable thing in the world to a few people.
When I sat up, I had immense clarity on two specific areas where I needed to make iterative changes to focus on what’s most important.
The Trap of Overextension
We’ve all been there: giving too much to people or pursuits that don’t align with what matters most.
We spend our time and energy on:
People or clients we barely know.
Chasing perfectionism or people-pleasing.
Pursuing goals that reflect societal expectations rather than personal values.
The cost of this overextension is steep.
We lose presence with the people and priorities that mean the most to us. We sacrifice our peace, creativity, and health, all in the name of being “enough.”
Why It Doesn’t Work
Every time I get caught up in the trap of trying to be valuable or worthy to someone else instead of focusing my time and energy where my value actually lies - and frankly, where I want it to thrive - I strangle my creativity, my health and my outcomes.
We give away power and energy to other people who don’t want it and won’t return it.
Not because they don’t want to or because they’re not nice people. But mostly because they have all their own stuff going on. They’re focused on the people and priorities that need their attention.
The constant chase for external validation leaves us feeling emptier, not fuller.
The Shift: Refocusing on What Matters Most
Sitting up from my meditation, I shifted my focus back to where it matters most.
I minimized my expectations and time that I will spend trying to be something for others.
Keep it simple for them. Make it easier on me.
Add value but don’t go overboard.
Decrease the actual amount of time on the calendar dedicated to these people and initiatives each week.
In turn, I’ve also opened new opportunities for others to be engaged and to support the professional efforts.
On the flip side, I increased my attention back to where I want my time to actually matter. In my family, with my friends, on my own self-care practices.
When I live from that place and spend most of my time there, still tending to the professional needs but not overextending myself to grasp at some worth or value, I feel better, I’m steadier, and crazy enough, I have better professional outcomes.
I’ve seen this happen for so many people. When they get focused on what matters most to them and where they really want their value to exist in the world, their professional pursuits also blossom.
Oprah’s Wisdom on Worth
We’re not alone in this. Oprah once shared that nearly everyone she has interviewed - from presidents and celebrities to everyday people - has asked some version of, “Was that okay?”.
Everyone wants to be heard. Everyone wants to be seen. Everyone wants to be enough. We all want to feel like we matter. Like our place on this Earth meant something.
We seek it out. We think it’s in the work that we do. We think that it’s in the business contacts we make. We think that true value and worth comes from money, achievements, rewards, bigger networks and bigger projects completed.
But then we do those things and feel empty. We keep chasing the external rewards, amassing more and more and more, and we feel like we’re never quite getting “there.”
Here’s the thing - “there” is an illusion. And the constant seeking of external value and worth is an endless, empty pursuit.
When we start to intentionally look inward and find the inherent things that fill our lives with the most intangible rewards, we begin to give root to our own worth, validation and most fulfilling outcomes.
We slow down to connect with a friend instead of rushing toward the next big business goal.
We pause to connect with our children and partners instead of spending endless hours working.
We take care of ourselves and our health first instead of giving up all of our time to acquaintances who don’t actually add much wellbeing to our lives.
We zero in on the little, monotonous tasks that give our lives stability and long-term success instead of chasing the bright, shiny reward.
The Question That Changes Everything
When we turn inward and focus on the relationships and practices that fill us up, we create a life rooted in true value.
The question shifts from, “Am I enough for them?” to, “Am I investing in what’s most important to me?”
Your Invitation to Reflect
Below is a reflection opportunity for you to get clear on where this exists in your own life. Take a moment to settle in and consider the questions below using the audio above to guide you. When you’re finished with the visualization, answer the following questions:
What are you currently over-investing in with your time, energy, or resources?
What is actually most or more important to you?
How can you redesign your week (and year) to shift your focus toward what matters most?
Building Momentum Through Action
To help clarify priorities, we use a tool called the Energy Matrix. It’s a simple framework for distinguishing between what needs attention and what can be let go.
Try using it to evaluate your own commitments.
Cheers to More Intentional Time
Friend, your time, energy and health are so incredibly valuable. More than anything. You have just this one life. May you use it all well and feel the deep knowing in return that you’re investing in the people and priorities that fill up your life. And that you know when to make a change.
I hope that these reflections and tools support you on your journey as much as they have mine.
And if ever you’re seeking more tools and community to help you align your professional pursuits with your personal values, join us at Owl & Key. It’s changed how I and many others operate in life to be more focused on what matters most while still growing professionally in inspiring ways.
Until then, thanks for tuning in this week, friend.
With gratitude for your presence here,
Krista
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